This year started out pretty messed up. I mean, I thought January sucked, but then February slapped me like I was a whore who didn’t have her pimp’s money. Now it’s March and I refuse to allow March to do me the way the first two months of 2013 have. I’m in recovery. Working on making this year one of the best I’ve ever had. I vow to myself to put myself in control of my life. Even with the sequester that is threatening to kill our economy, I’m going to find a way to thrive.
Life does what it does. The only parts we can control are our reactions and our choices. I’ve had some bad reactions and have made the majority of my choices based on safety. But I completely realize now that safety can’t always be the goal. Comfort is not always the best option. I’m not saying I’m going to go wild and make moves half-cocked, but, I’m no longer afraid, or rather as afraid, to be uncomfortable. And I realize I can’t listen to people when they tell me about having a safety net. Safety is a moment to moment illusion (I like that. I may need to use it in a story one day). There is sickness, death, and then everything else.
I’m tired of being afraid. Tired of running from pain. I don’t want to run into it, but I need to power through it when it happens, instead of taking every precaution to avoid it. Because often time on the other side of that pain, or discomfort, is a gift. A pay off. The thing you want. The thing I want is freedom. Freedom from having a boss. Freedom to travel. Freedom to live and be happy.
It’s within each of us. I’m starting my journey NOW. The road is not easy. Nothing worth it ever is. I’m going to stumble and fall. That’s fine. I was watching an interview with Morgan Freeman and he said something that really resonated with me. He said, and I’m completely paraphrasing, that if you fall, and you stay on the ground, people will step over you. But if people see you trying to get up, someone will always give you a hand.
So I’m going to move forward. I won’t be too proud to reach up for help if and when I need it. But I won’t stay down. I refuse to stay down.
I think it’s appropriate that I feel this way in the month with the name March. March on! That’s exactly what I plan to do. March on.