I’m watching, “Oprah’s Lifeclass”, about dating. The experts on the show say sex on the first date is a big no-no. The guys in the audience also said it was a big no. But said they’d still do it though. I’m definitely not an expert on dating and relationships. I can only speak based on my experience. I’ve had sex on the first date. I ended up in a five year relationship with one, and we lived together for three of those years. Ultimately, we turned out not to be a good match. Living together accelerated our learning curve, which I think was a good thing, because before we moved in together, I thought I wanted to marry him. That would have been a huge mistake for both of us.
The other relationship that bloomed after sex on the first date, lasted for a little over a year. He was a really good guy. We just had different ideas on life. Which took time to find out. The same time it would’ve taken had we waited.
Having sex on the first date didn’t affect those relationships. We went through the same things I went through normal highs and lows just like relationships where I’ve waited. I move based on my feelings and my intuition. I felt like having sex and my gut told me it would be fine. I wasn’t expecting a relationship in either case, but shit happens.
Now, if you are looking to be in a relationship, maybe having sex on the first date isn’t the best thing. Even though I find in general (with or without sex) not looking for a relationship, starts relationships. The experts on the show said the same thing. When you’re not looking is when it happens. I guess because you’re not thirsty, and you’re confident, which is attractive. Ipso facto, sex on the first date, with the expectation of snagging a relationship would not be the right thing to do. But, if you have sex on the first date just because you got hot, without any additional expectations, then hey, it could lead to something.
As far as waiting goes…I remember a reality show where one of the characters waited a year before having sex with the man she was seeing. After doing the do, she found out he was married. She was of course devastated. They weren’t the main characters of the show, so I can’t recall if they ended up together or not. I just remember thinking, damn, she could’ve found that out months ago instead of investing a year.
So, ultimately, go with your gut. Sure, have your rules, and definitely have standards. But know that when you are dealing with people, there is no sure fire way to not get hurt or not be played. People are full of surprises and your rules can’t block them all. Rely on your intuition. Get to know it and accept it. Don’t second guess it, because that’s normally when you fall victim to the okey doke.
If you get hot, and decide to go on and do the do, please use condoms! And don’t let him give you head without dental dam. If he’s giving you head on your first date, he probably gives it out a lot. Don’t think it’s just because you’re special. Certainly, there are exceptions to that. When you and someone just have so much chemistry that you just want to do everything. But still use the dental damn, because genital herpes is real and it doesn’t go away. But then, you can still get it from kissing. Just be careful out there in general. One in four people has herpes, so get tested and stay safe. As safe as possible. Ugh! Why can’t we just fuck without consequences?
Thanks for reading! Peace!