Thank God It’s Friday! It has been a long week and I am so happy for the weekend that I don’t know what to do with myself. I’m in New Orleans, where yesterday the high was 84, but today it was 55. Still much, much warmer than my hometown NYC, where 28 was the high today.
I’m in this weird space of being seriously broke, for the first time ever, and being happy, yet very anxious. Anxious about being broke, but even more so about being happy. I kind of feel like, where do I get off being happy as broke as I am? It’s a mix of feelings sending me on an emotional roller coaster every day. We all have our ups and downs though, don’t we?
I’ve been smiling a lot, which makes wonder if I’m going crazy, which makes me ask, why does being happy enough to smile for no reason, equal crazy? Our puritanical society has really done a number on making us feel guilty about happiness. Or at least me. I’m trying to shake it, but I’ve been so deeply indoctrinated in it that sometimes I don’t even realize I’m stopping my own happiness. It takes a lot of effort. I’m constantly reminding myself, “It’s ok to be happy. Happiness is the right thing.” I wasn’t even raised in a religious fashion. It’s just growing up in Western society, the idea that life should be a struggle is all around us. It’s in the things we revere, like working while being sick, multi-tasking, saying yes, when we need to say no for our own health and sanity, staying late at work for a company you don’t own. There are a lot more examples, but those are at the forefront of my thoughts as I think about how much I don’t want to get caught up in corporate culture. I never want to again associate working for a company as being part of my identity. But that’s a topic for another post.
I’m happy damn it! LOL! And that is alright by me. No need for me to stress myself out about things I can’t control. With all of the things going on in the world to be unhappy about, just relish the moments that you are happy, whatever the reason.
As my friend Danielle says, there’s nothing wrong with having a case of the fuckitz.
Thank you for reading and enjoy your weekend!